so there i sat. mourning. miserable. going about my business sort of as usual. i only took one week off from work, because i'm a one woman office, a jane of all trades. with the freedom of working semi-alone (the boss stops by a few hours a day at most) comes the major drawback of not having any kind of back-up. therefore, pain meds in hand, kleenex at the ready, i went back to work.
it was about two weeks after the miscarriage that the sister sent me an email. she actually only copied me, the email was for her mister. his dream dog is a mini-yorkshire terrier. he won't get one though, because at 6'7" with a son close on his (not heels....) head? he doesn't dare have something that tiny in his home. anyway... the email she sent was FULL of pictures of mini-yorkies. she sent it to him to make him happy. the pictures were ridiculous. seriously ridiculous. these babies were sitting in peoples pockets. these babies had outfits on. they were meticulously groomed. it was RIDICULOUS.
(told you, ridiculous)
i. bawled. no really, like a freaking woman i bawled. what you need to know is that i don't like little dogs. i actually hate them and their pitiful little faces. and their ear splitting yipping. i have been known to refer to small dogs as "stew meat."
but these dogs, man. they hit me. they hit me hard. and i thought to myself "is this it? is this what you need? do you need a little tiny wiggle dog to fill the hole in your heart? to love you and kiss you and wiggle around in your lap?"
i began googleing small dogs. hooooboy. when you see someone with a small dog, know this. they LOVE that dog. i know this because they paid a LOT of money for it. i'm a shelter dog girl. i get my dogs for the cost that the humane society put into it. it's how i do. i mean... c'mon. how does anyone justify paying that kind of money for a fancy dog when there are so many mutt babies neeeeeeding love at the shelter. LOVE. that's how. they. love. those. dogs. who am i to judge?
but i couldn't shake it. and i wasted a day going from breeder site to breeder site, getting therapy from looking at these sweet little faces. imagining the smell of their puppy breath. sigh.
then i found it. a link on the side of a breeders website. it said "free puppy." WHAT??? there is no way! no dog breeder gives away puppies! that would be like my boss painting a fred meyer store for free. this is her income! well, i clicked, of course. i had to see what this was about!
here was the deal. princess petunia knows the power of the small dog to heal. so she, unbelievably benevolently, GIVES away a puppy a month. she calls the contest "i need a puppy to save my life." people send in letters explaining why they, or someone they know needs their very own wiggle dog to fill their very own hole.
on a whim, i told her my story. knowing full well that there were little girls whose daddies just left for afghanistan. husbands who finally retired just to lose their beloved wife to breast cancer. children with mental disabilities who need therapy dogs. why in the world would she choose me? but i entered nonetheless. i asked my friend and the sister to write a quick note on my behalf. to tell petunia why i would be the best darned puppy mamma there ever was.
i didn't even warn the mister. first of all, i wasn't going to win anyway. second, i sent the email on june the fourth and i had almost the whole month to warn him. and third... i wasn't going to win, anyway.
i went about my life, as usual.
the next day, the sister needed me to meet her at chevy's in clackamas. she had to meet a friend there that she hadn't seen in a while and she needed some moral support. i'm game. i dig chevy's and i dig the sister, so off i went.
we waited a while, her friend called to say they were running a few minutes behind. no prob. i was with the sister of course, the best company of ever.
in walked the friend and her sister. janni laine lept up, practically charged them, hugged them both fiercely. they immediately asked to meet me, so of course, i obliged. one of the sisters said she had something for me, and handed me a bag. not understanding why, i just said "thank you," and stood there. she told me to look in the bag.
in the bag was the tiniest most beautiful creature i'd ever seen. oh, janni laine! what a trickster! i immediately came to the conclusion that she, being aware that i wasn't going to win, somehow BOUGHT me my very own wiggle dog. i reached in and scooped him up, turned to her and said "what did you do??" that's when one of the sisters said, "you won!"
i'm sure you can imagine how i cried. apparently i said, "i don't understand. i don't understand. i don't understand." i don't remember that, but i'm sure i don't remember much of the next few minutes. what i did catch was this. they were so moved by my letter that they cut the june contest off on the fourth and drove five and a half hours to surprise me with this dog. much sneakiness had taken place within an hour of receiving my email. a plot between petunia and janni laine to get me to the right place at the right time. it was spectacular.
and he is everything i hoped for in a wiggle dog. he kisses me and follows me around and has a fit when i walk through the door. he's feisty and cuddly and wraps around my neck.
i named him edward (and no... not after THAT edward).
so in the middle of the november of my heart... i was given the greatest gift. something to fill the hole in my heart. no... it's not a perfect fit. he's not a people baby. but i love him.
so how's that for a happy ending? pretty good. not the one i would have written... but one that makes my heart sing. even though he won't poop where he's supposed to.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
p.s. thank you tanya and janni laine for writing letters to petunia... and should any of you decide to BUY a dog, rather than adopt... please consider petunia. she GIVES away income, every month.
oh.... one more thing... please pray for petunia (whose real name is heather, by the way). she has had more than she can handle in the last few months. her beloved daddy passed away after she cared for him in her home and she thought it was more than she could take. and then, her sister died on august 24th. one woman can't carry so heavy a burdan. so please say a prayer for heather's heart today.